There are some topics that are difficult, challenging, uncomfortable or even controversial. These topics are often that much more challenging to talk about with others. So how do you start the conversation?
NEWS FLASH: There is no one way that will make discussing difficult topics easier!
And for each individual, those difficult, challenging, uncomfortable or controversial topics are different. Some individuals love to discuss politics, while others don’t. Some individuals are easily able to bring up challenging or controversial topics, like pro-life versus abortion, while others are squeamish about openly discussing it.
I grew up in a family that at some point discussed death, disease, and destruction during most every holiday meal and family gathering. This made for less-than-thrilling conversations and my sister and I often leaving the room to go wash the dishes. For a long time, I chose not to discuss evolution, politics, religion or pro-life/abortion with friends, because inevitably someone’s feelings or opinions would get hurt and there would then be animosity amongst friends, causing a rift to pull my tribe apart.
So how do you talk about difficult, challenging, uncomfortable or controversial topics? I’ve come to realize that regardless of how careful you are, you might possibly still offend someone when bringing up these types of topics. You might make someone uncomfortable, you might upset someone, or offend them. These are natural responses to topics that individuals have a difficult time discussing. For some people, talking about money can be difficult or uncomfortable. Often times, talking about health or health-related issues can make people uncomfortable. Discussing end-of-life can be saddening, discussing birthing plans can make people squeamish.
If the topic is important to you, or you are inclined to share a thought you have about a certain topic - share it! You might be met with resistance from others to join the conversation, but you might be surprised to then engage in a discussion that gives you or others further insight. You might also be completely shut down by others and the conversation abruptly ends. But if you never share the thought or topic, the answer is just no, and you might never know what could have come if you had shared it, meaning that you could be missing out.
Maybe you have difficult news to share with your friends, family, or a loved one. This can always feel like a daunting task, especially if it is important that they know what is happening. Each person will approach sharing this kind of information differently, but ultimately, if it is important to share, you have to start somewhere. Consider the following few tips to help start the conversation.
Give the facts.
When sharing difficult news, give straight facts. Provide the necessary information so that your family or friends can understand all parts of what you are sharing. They will likely have questions - be prepared to answer them. They might have their own opinions to share - they are entitled to their opinions, but what matters most is that you are providing the knowledge you know of what is being shared. Let’s say you are sharing that you have received a health diagnosis that will now change aspects of how you live you life. You might find that you have a family member that then believes that they know what your diagnosis is, can provide analysis and a treatment plan. Thank them for their concern and reassure them that you have doctors who are providing high level of care to help you manage your diagnosis.
Let it sink in.
Allow your family or friends time to process the information that was shared. They might immediately react, they might simple sit and stare. You cannot force them to feel a certain way about what has been shared - whether it be good news or bad news. Providing them time and space to come to terms with the news is in your best interest.
Avoid placing blame.
I was always told to be mindful when pointing a finger at other people because there are three fingers pointing back at you. Some individuals may feel inclined to place blame on family members for what they are now dealing with - and simply - that’s not fair. The reason why you are now managing something difficult is no one person’s fault. For example, if your parent has been diagnosed with a health condition that has a genetic component and can be passed on to their children, your parent does not then decide that they will pass it along to their offspring - they don’t have a choice in how it gets expressed in their offspring.
Get them involved.
Asking your family or friends to be a part of your journey can help to increase your support system. Sharing articles or research that they can read to better understand how this change affects you or them can help them to feel a part of your process. If nothing else, they will be inclined to ask “how are you doing?” and be more understanding when you provide an unfavorable report.
Ultimately, sharing difficult news, talking about controversial topics, or starting a debate can be uncomfortable, challenging or frustrating for many people. Take the time to consider how your news may affect others and deliberate for yourself whether or not the information is worth sharing. You might find yourself refraining from starting conversations that may negatively impact others and deciding to discuss other more favorable topics.
