We are quickly approaching the one year anniversary since much of the nation shut down and entered a state of emergency due to the coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19). March 16th, 2020 was the last day that I came to work and all of the students and staff were here. I currently sit in my office on campus, as I come in a few days out of the week to keep up with paperwork and encourage me to actually get dressed like an adult, and this “new normal” feels … well … normal. It’s just my routine, as many daily routines have changed for so many individuals.
When the new year began, in California we had already been administering the COVID-19 vaccine to healthcare workers and long-term care residents since early December. We knew that this was going to be a marathon and not a sprint to get everyone vaccinated. To my knowledge, there were hurdles that prevented an ease of distribution and administering the vaccine efficiently. Limited by our previous administration’s lack of a comprehensive plan to distribute doses of the vaccine to all states, we patiently waited to really get the ball rolling.
When I returned to work in January, my boss instructed all of the counseling department to start checking with the Department of Public Health for available appointments to get vaccinated. Really?! I was surprised that we would be able to get it so soon. I am a 30-something marriage and family therapist who works in a nonpublic school for students with special needs - apparently, this qualified me to get the vaccine. This brought up a lot of thoughts and emotions that went through my mind when considering my chances to get the vaccine.
When information was first released to the public of the various eligibility phases and tiers, I had simply plopped myself in my age category, somewhere in Phase 3, and accepted that I would be receiving the vaccine much later in the year. Or somewhere among those who work in education or child care settings. However, according to the criteria, as a mental health professional, I qualify as a healthcare worker. And as someone who works in education, I qualify in a higher phase and/or tier than I had initially placed myself. Now, there is a lot to unpack with this, not least of all how I felt guilty that I was a young, healthy individual, who was going to receive the vaccine before a multitude of individuals who are likely more succeptible to contracting COVID-19 than me.
My support system encouraged me to get the vaccine. They explained that eventually everyone will be getting it, and if I have the opportunity now, might as well help stop the spread of the virus than wait for my turn months in the future. I was quickly able to schedule a vaccine appointment through my healthcare provider. phew! But there was this nagging feeling inside me that riddled me with guilt. My parents are in their 70s, slowly aging and dealing with how age is impacting their health, and yet here I am, their youngest daughter, getting the vaccine before them. That didn’t make sense to me. I felt as if I should give up my spot for someone else to get it. That if I did get COVID, it would likely impact me less severely than it would other individuals who are at greatest risk of severe symptoms and reactions to the virus.
There was another part of me that struggled to consider myself a healthcare worker. While this opinion of myself has greatly changed, I was hesitant to group myself with first responders, hospital nurses, ER doctors, and the like. After all of the care that I have taken to help my students and clients, I firmly believe that mental health is as important as physical health and that I am a healthcare worker, of sorts. Numerous articles have addressed the importance of mental health during the pandemic and in what ways mental health professionals have become vital characters in helping individuals. As a mental health professional, I have helped my clients to build and develop skills to help them cope with the challenges they have never previously needed to face. We are first responders to our clients’ mental and emotional needs. And the work can be exhausting. It often weighs on my head and my heart to hear what troubles my clients are facing during these times of uncertainty. But I wouldn’t want to be doing anything differently. I became a marriage and family therapist so that I could help others, and in my way, that is exactly what I am doing.
As of last week, I have received both doses of the COVID-19 vaccine. The first one was not too bad. A sore arm for a day or two and back to usual. No problem! The second dose was a doozy! I received it in the late morning and by the evening I felt as if I had been hit by a ton of bricks. I had really aggressive chills and struggled to keep warm. I often feel cold on regular days, but it felt as if I was in the arctic without proper resources. After a restless night of sleep, I had a high temperature (high for me, at least) and spent the majority of the day sleeping with my dogs. By dinnertime, I felt more capable of sitting at the dinner table, had an appetite, and a little less tired. I went to bed early that night, slept mostly peacefully and woke up the next day with a gnarly headache but with enough energy to at least work from home. The worst had passed and by the weekend, I felt like myself again. I even baked a cake!
Ultimately, do I regret getting the vaccine? No. Do I feel that who we prioritize to receive the vaccine could be addressed more effectively? Yes. Will we get to a point where everyone will get vaccinated? Yes. When? I don’t even think the medical professionals know that for sure. But if my chance to get the vaccine is putting us one step, one person, closer to herd immunity, I am happy to do my part.
