When I was in graduate school, there was a group of fifth semester students, myself included, that took a class with second semester students due to a scheduling snafu that had occurred. At one point during the lecture, the professor wrote on the board two works: selfish and selfless. She then proceeded to ask the class, “who thinks being selfish is bad?” Almost every single hand shot up in the air - primarily comprised of second semester students. Then the professor asked, “who thinks being selfish is good?” The small group of fifth semester students sitting at the back of the room raised their hands. The vote was probably 50 to 5.
She went on to discuss being selfish versus being selfless, however she chose a unique way in which for us to look at the terms. She discussed being selfish traditionally, in that being selfish was defined as seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others. She asked the fifth semester students why being selfish was a good thing. Collectively, we agreed and responded that being selfish allowed for you to take your cares and needs as priority over others. As a therapist, we need to be able to take care of ourselves before being able to take care of others.
We then moved on to discuss being selfless. This time, we broke the word down and determined that self and less creates a meaning that leaves you less of a self, or completely without a self. So what are you? You are giving away more of yourself than you are embodying. Who does that benefit? You are then losing who you are. So often it is agreed upon that a large part of being a good therapist is being true to yourself and the power of you - your presence in the room, your personality, your experiences, your perspective. Without you, then what is left?
So is it better to be selfish - and care for oneself, or to be selfless - and be without a self while trying to care for others?
