There are a few different perspectives to take when we think about “meeting someone where they are.” It is not just about a specific location in time and place, but also where that person is emotionally, mentally or psychologically.
As an example, we are continuing to address and meet people where they are in relationship to the ongoing pandemic. I will not be discussing vaccination, but I would like to address that there are some practices that have been adopted during this time that are going to stick for some people. The pandemic has been raging for almost three years and some people have been drastically impacted by it, including how they will continue to lead their lives. That being said, when meeting people where they are, remember:
not everyone is vaccinated and we shouldn’t assume that everyone is
wearing a mask is a choice that should be respected, not teased
that we shouldn’t expect others to be ready to shake hands or hug
not everyone will be okay with returning to all aspects of normal right away, and that’s okay.
Another way that someone can “meet you where you are” is recognizing your present emotional state. Are you sad? Are you overjoyed? Are you grieving? Are you angry? When answering any of these questions, we, as the interviewer, are gauging where you are emotionally and can then respond appropriately. Well … most of the time. There are times that people respond inappropriately by laughing when someone says they are grieving, but that is another discussion for another time.
When we meet someone where they are, we are understanding their current state, possibly matching their mood, and responding with the right form of communication that would be expected. For example, when a client enters session and word-vomits for 10 straight minutes about something that they are presently struggling with, the initial response is to recognize the struggle, gauge the severity of how it impacts the client, and meet the client at their current level of functioning. If they are able to talk about the struggle, then the client is in a place that you can ask questions to gain more insight and begin discussing a plan of action. On the other hand, if the client word-vomits and then bursts into tears the minute you open your mouth, this client is not yet prepared to start the work, maybe not even ready to really acknowledge the extent to which the struggle is impacting them, and would benefit greatly from having you listen and accept where they are, rather than game plan for what to do next.
Over the years, I have worked with many clients who have been depressed with varying severities or comorbidities. Each of these clients was in a different state of emotional, mental and physical well-being when they arrived to therapy. And each of these clients were shown respect by allowing them to share where they were in their depression and how ready they were to leave that space. For some, sitting with the depression and experiencing all facets of it was what we had to do. So I met them in their metaphorical depression cave, curled up under a fuzzy weighted blanket, with a box of tissues, and their “I am depressed” playlist blasting. That is what they needed from me in that moment. They did not need me to make them feel better, because feeling better would take more time than a 50-minute session. They needed me to see them, hear them, and simply be with them in that moment. And when they were ready, they would give me the go-ahead to start.
Other clients came ready to session with their sneakers tied and prepared to hit the ground running. They recognized their depression and other symptoms, acknowledged how it is affecting them, and readily expressed an interest, want, need, to start working to feel less depressed. These clients are often the exception and rarely the case. But, nonetheless, it is best to meet all clients where they are so that the next steps can be determined together.
Regardless if the client is ready to do the work or not, as a therapist, meet them where they are and be present with them every step of the way.
